I'm Writing Again These Letters To You..........

It was a beautiful summer's day, the sort you want to last forever. This feeling was only enhanced by the people sitting around me. It was unbelievable that these people, who seemed so happy before, were actually happier just because I was happy.

Around me were smiles and laughs, the smell of flowers and warmth in the air. Perfect. So, why was there still a feeling of guilt in my mind? Maybe it was because I broke my best friend's heart? Or, maybe it was because I sent my best friend straight to the mental health ward. The worst thing was that I had to go see him, so they could evaluate his condition. 

It was just like any other hospital, on the outside. I was alone, Tom, Hayley and Sam had offered to come with me but, I knew I had to go alone. I had to. It made my skin crawl just being there. The smell, the bleakness. White, just white, it nearly blinded me.

Apart from the norm though, there were the people. Some looked completely normal but, others they sat mumbling to themselves. Others wrung their hands, or their eyes shifted to much and some just plain unnerved me. 

It was strange to think that my friend, my best friend, was someone that needed to be in this place. I walked slowly towards his room, 401, and knocked twice.

"Come in." Chris called I opened the door, my breathing becoming uneven, to see him sitting cross legged on his bed, looking.............well, normal. It was odd, I thought he'd look......different.  

When I'd spoken to the doctors on the phone before I came, they told me just to act as normal as possible around him so, they could analyze what was wrong with him. Remembering this I smiled at him and sat down on the, slightly hard, bed with him. 

"Hey Chris." I said smiling at him. He didn't reply, just continued to look at the floor. "How've you been doing?" I persisted

"How do you think I've been doing? I have been sitting here, wracked with guilt ever since that night. I don't know what happened. It was like, like I wasn't even there. Like, it wasn't me and I was just watching it. I'm not saying that I feeling that made it right but, I'm just saying that I honestly didn't mean to do it. I love too much Izzy, when I saw what I'd done; I thought I'd die myself." Chris was looking at me now, clasping my hands in his and I knew then, I had to forgive him. That was if I ever even blamed him. 

"Chris, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to. Tom told me you were so scared when you realised what had happened. I could never be mad at you anyway." I smiled at him, hoping this had comforted him. It seemed to do the opposite. His face turned dark and his grip on my hands tightened.

"No, Izzy. It wasn't right I will never forgive myself. Ever." His voice was low and laced with menace. I was starting to get scared.  

"Chris, look what you're doing. Calm down." I said in soothing tones but, his grip still remained as tight as before. I wrenched myself out of his grip and pressed the nurse button. Then ran. I couldn't stand to remember my friend like that, with the menace and the darkness in his eyes. I wanted to remember him as the boy who'd sat next to me that very first day, the boy who never failed and the boy who would always be my best friend.

Later, there was a lot of crying but, there were arms to hold me, words to soothe me and kisses to heal me. That night, Tom stayed with me until I could cry no more then, stayed until I no longer needed him. 

That was three months ago. Chris is still in the mental health ward and not too much progress is being made. I'm not allowed to see him and I'm not sure if I'd like to but, I get weekly reports from his Mom.

Apart from that, everything I really good. Tom and I are still going strong and so are Alex, Hayley, Sam and Mike. This is a happy ending, at least it should be. I wish it was but, there will always be the dark spot where my best friend used to be. 

I sighed and nuzzled my head against Tom's neck wishing I could get my perfect ending. This just with my best friend: happy, well and in love with somebody else.

So......IT'S FREAKING OVER!!!!!!!

Yus, no NAMSTTTWR! But.......

There's still YTTWWY and....i have another one called My sweet mistake in the works so yeah!